laughing-llama:

slytherin-starkid-of-tardis:

phinflynn:

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“Ah, Perry the platypus!”

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“What an unexpected -“

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“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!”

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“You’re trapped!”

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“By societal convention!”

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“Look! We’re in a fine dining environment. Everyone knows not to throw a scene in a fancy restaurant!”

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“That’s right. You’re trapped. Sit down.”

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This show is fucking brilliant.

did everyone else read that in his voice

craftingmagick:

alongfalltothetop:

Oh I’m an asshole.

So today pulling into Stop and Shop, this lady cut me off and nearly drove into me, and then, when I tried to pass her, she swung to the right and nearly hit me again, and then flipped me off.

So somebody is having a bad day and taking it out on me. That’s fine. It’s harmless, and I don’t know what’s going on in this woman’s life. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt she’s not just a piece of shit and is just having a bad day.

But then I park and she follows me, and gets out of the car and starts swearing at me and getting in my face.

Now I go from “indifferent” to “I’m gonna fuck with this woman’s head.” Now I would say I’m a gentleman of size, and in all black and bemohawked I probably look spookier than I actually am, so props to this lady for getting in my face. Now of course I’m not going to hit her, or even threaten violence. That’s shitty. Nobody should get threatened with violence.

Instead, I take a step back, narrowing my eyes like I’m studying her face really closely, and then I touch one of the several piece of “occulty” jewelry I’m wearing (none of which, by the way, are magicked in any way at all). Then I mumble some nonsense under my breath, and then make the fig gesture and the horns at her.

She stops, wide-eyed.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?”

I chuckled, and shake my head. “Nothing at all.” I say in a not-terrible convincing voice. “But every time something bad happens to you today, you’re gonna be thinking of me.”

Then I winked at her, and walked away.

School

thecactusmacaron:

American Education System: You have to dress in front of people. Who cares about physical ability; everyone is equal RIGHT?

Students: Um-

American Education System: You take more than 5 standardized tests in your life and you even pay for some!

Researchers: But students have stress levels that are through the roof-

American Education System: You get up at 5:00 a.m for school and only choose a few classes of your choice!

Science: But the brain isn’t fully functioning until 10:00 a.m-

American Education System: Lol what’s anxiety? Go speak in front of everyone. Oh, you sprained a finger? Go and be exempt from P.E and get special care from all classes!

Students: WAIT NO-

American Education System: Girls are a distraction; take away their right to actually comfortable yet stylish clothes! Think about the young boys!

Girls: We’re missing school because of this-

American Education System: Why are students so moody?

American Education System: Why does no one like school anymore?

American Education System: Why aren’t students getting straight A’s?

American Education System: Why is no one happy?

sushinfood:

whimmy-bam:

0-memento-mori-0:

vimesbootstheory:

erinwert:

selesnyapokemonprofessor:

solace-y:

howlsmovingumbrellastand:

I’ve finally managed to make a vine compilation short enough that Tumblr will let me post it!

I thought it wasn’t possible to crack an egg in your palm like that how to fuck did he

This is a good one 12/10

this is legit my favorite vine compilation ever, i’m crying

#Erin your friend Jackie is in it and it’s a different vine than usual! – lmao omg elvira your tags are the best

The “SAIL!” song one had me _laughing at work_

The “Yo Brandon what’s number 1” is the best vine in the entire world and no one will ever convince me otherwise

i’m so happy to see this one again