y’all: here’s some alternatives to tumblr in case the site get merked on dec 17th
me:
Tag: john mulaney
me: *searches for a post i know for a fact is on my blog*
tumblr: “sowwy, we didn’t find anyfing wike that :(((((”
me:
to quote the icon that is john mulaney: “i have had a long day, i am very small and i have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under”
John Mulaney quotes I identify with
on a deep, spiritual, personal level:
- “I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
- “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”
- “I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”
- “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”
- “Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”
- “I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
- “I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”
- “What is college?” *incoherent babbling*
- “I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”
- “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”
Thank god for John Mulaney, because “That’s exactly what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking horse” is incredibly satisfying to hiss at the news.
Anybody else get this??
(Template made by @banozac )
Bonus:
“how was school today?”
“it was good but someone pushed tyler off the seesaw”
“and where were you?”
“i was over on the bench”
“and what did you do?”
“nothin’ i was over on the bench”
“but you saw what happened?”
“yeah cause i was over on the bench”
“so you saw what happened and you did nothing”
“yeah cause i was sitting over on the bench”
“lemme ask you this,, in nazi germany,, when people saw what the nazis were doing and they did nothing, were those good people?”
“aw no, those are bad people you gotta stop the nazis-“
“yeah but you saw what they were doing to tyler and you did nothi-
“CAUSE I WAS OVER ON THE BENCH”
and then my dad said to me this,, he said,
“how are you better than a nazi?”
then my mom said
“i made a salad with craisins!”
and the conversation ended
john mulaney looked so stunned to win the emmy because now his immortal life is recorded in history, so 100 years from now when a historian asks him why he looks so much like that emmy award-winning comedian, he’s going to have to throw his money clip in order to distract them
beinggayonmain 